Funny Birthday

Well, you may as well give up the ghost: There's nothing much worse than turning older (if you're past a "certain age") and then topping off the day by getting boring gifts. What a kick in the head. Whatever happened to laughter, that generous gift of the spirit that never wears out its welcome? Is it really that difficult to think up ways to make a birthday FUNNY? What's better, really, than sharing a side-splitting day with someone on their birthday?

Sometimes you have to get a little crazier than usual, but that's the point; you want this to be a challenge, both to yourself and to the birthday gal or guy in your life - but it's up to you to arrange ways to make this birthday funny, so climb aboard:

Treat your birthday pal to a lunch at his or her favorite place and gorge yourselves. When the check comes, politely look up and say with all the earnestness you can muster, "We'd like to order again."Have a camera ready to take a picture of the look on your friend's face.

Tell him or her (though this works best with a female) to put on the glitz and glamour because you're taking them to symphony and plan to stop by an expensive watering hole of note afterwards. Put two garbage bags in the back seat of the car. Drive to a neighborhood, saying, "This is a shortcut I found" and stop, smile broadly, hand her a garbage bag and say, "Trick or Treat Time! Let's Go!" Blackmail her into it with all the dirt on her that you know, and go ring a few doorbells. Free candy!

OK, you want bona fide, never-fail "birthday funny?" Be truthful and say you're going to treat your friend to a night at a comedy club. Go ahead of time and make a deal with the manager. Hand over a detailed list of all the embarrassing things your birthday friend has done. Pay the comic and manager to do a whole set. Laugh and point. Running is an option.

If your friend is a techie, hire another techie to build a small gadget from which canned gales of raucous laughter erupt when activated. Tell your friend it's a human X-ray gadget. (This one works best with men for some reason.) Go to a restaurant and dare him to put it to work. Again, take several photos of his face as everyone looks at him like he's a lunatic.

Buy a ring with a prominent, black stone set into it. Wrap it up and act giddy as she's opening it. Exclaim, "It's a mood ring! Remember those things? I searched EVERYWHERE for this and finally found it!" Embrace. Go to a restaurant. Keep anxiously looking at her ring while gazing at her warily, with a worried expression.

The "end is listless," as they say, to make anyone's birthday funny: all it takes is a warped sense of humor (you've got that, right? Hope so, because no one sells them), a few pretty far-out ideas, the gift of trickery coupled with a strong dose of daredevil juice, and you can make a birthday funny for anyone, any time, at any age.